50 Shades of OK…

There have been a lot of words written about the 50 Shades movie, and I’m not about to get into a debate over its merits or lack thereof, but I saw the movie last night, and I have thoughts, so many thoughts. Here are a few of them:

  • Dakota Johnson has a clear case of scoliosis – am I showing my age by noticing medical conditions rather than the raunchy(-ish) sex going on
  • Also, Jamie Dornan has a gammy eye – that’s not sexy, and his accent is weird and distracting
  • How much better would this movie be if I was watching Ian Somerhalder instead of Dornan (the correct answer is MUCH)
  • “If you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week” – I may never stop laughing
  • He’s a much bigger asshole in the book
  • The contract negotiation scene is really well done and genuinely funny
  • Not one mention of her inner goddess – movie: 1, book: 0
  • I thought one of the main criticisms of the movie was that she never looked like she was enjoying herself – that’s just not true, unless smiling and orgasms aren’t indicators of enjoyment, someone catch me up if I’m wrong about that
  • I thought this was supposed to be a terrible movie – I’ve seen a shitload of movies that are MUCH worse than this (I’m looking at you Vampire Academy, Mortal Instruments and Twilight)
  • Did I mention it should have been Somerhalder?

Overall, it’s hard to complain. I had delicious pizza, saw a terrible (but amazing) movie with some lovely friends – happy Galentines Day I say.

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7 replies »

  1. Good review. I have read the books, but I don’t know that I will watch the movie until it comes out on video. I am only a little curious. But BIG bonus points that the inner goddess was never mentioned in the movie.

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  2. The movie is banned in my home country but I am not keen to watch it in the first place (because of the atrocious writing not because of the content). Not really a fan of Somerhalder but I thought Hunnam would have made a better Grey. Dornan is too lean (although I like his personality real life – you should watch Graham Norton show!).

    I’d like to know: if the movie much better than the book?

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    • Yeah I thought the writing was atrocious as well, and in that respect the movie is much better. A lot of the really annoying things in the book were not as obvious – all the repetition of words, and the inner goddess stuff. It’s still not an amazing movie, but it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be!

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  3. Just watched this, needed serious wine to make it through. I found your review my typing in “Dakota Johnson Scoliosis” – how has nobody else noticed that one shoulder is always higher than the other???

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